Saturday, 29 August 2009

Waterfowl Sty (The clean version)

The anticipation of finally retrieving my house from the clutches of the tenant from hell is reaching it's height.
This joyous occasion, when it eventually happens, also means I will not have to stay in any more hotels when I have work in Norfolk.
I am not saying Norfolk hotels are worse than anywhere else, in fact, if anything, I think there are a better breed of bed bugs there.
Now, don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the chance to shower or bath as I do not have these facilities on my boat. I expect my friends and family appreciate my hygienic efforts too when getting up close and personal, although I do think all this washing is a bit overrated.
One particularly bad experience recently was at an hotel in Walsall. Now please understand, I use the term hotel very loosely. When I arrived I was shown to a room right at the top of the building which absolutely stank of stale cigarette smoke.
I thought I could bear it, but after looking at the not very clean bed and the chipped mugs for the tea in my room, I decided to ask for a move.
I walked downstairs to the bar, and while I tried to make myself heard above the SKY Sports channel, I looked around and realised I was the only female there. This was a lorry drivers paradise.
Of course, the Manager said, with a slimy grin, I will show you to our Princess Suite. Three burly men fought to carry my case and I entered the palace.
Now I am still wondering how this room got it's name and which Princess might have stayed there. Maybe one who liked to mingle among the common people who appreciate the delights of broken and mouldy melamine furniture, smoke stained walls and leaky showers.
Maybe it was the Princess from the fairy tale who could feel the pea under 20 mattresses. There was certainly something under mine, but I didn't have the nerve to look and find out what it was. Still, musn't grumble - it was a four poster.
On a more positive note, the best hotel I ever stayed in was not a hotel at all, although I think it should be a 5 star rated one.
In a beautiful, peaceful village in Devon, Retreats For You is the ultimate in comfort, hospitality and relaxation.
You might still find a vacancy if you are quick. There should be one in every town.

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